SECRETS TO WRITING CLEAN
6 years drug, alcohol and nicotine free
Six years ago today, I felt worse than I’ve ever done. Stuck in a second rate production house, in a third world market, I felt like a first class fuck up. I knew drugs and alcohol were ruining my life. All the Singapore glory, HK glitz and Bangkok glamour had got up and gone. I hit bottom. Suddenly the pain of making a change was greater than staying where I was. I stopped drinking. And went to a meeting. And guess what? I haven’t had a drink since.
It’s was rough at first but worth it. So worth it. Now my ego would love to take some credit for this but I can’t. I could not have managed it without a tremendous amount of help, supernatural and human. And yes… I do go to those clandestine meetings with strangers in church basements. They work. I enjoy them… talk about material for writing. But the best thing about it is that I don’t want to drink. Or do a quick line. Or bum a sneaky fag. Work your program by the book and the urge disappears. Real Harry Potter stuff.
I thought long and hard about whether to write this. I get rather irritated by people who identify themselves as sober. But I wanted to mark this anniversary and put it out there in case anyone else is struggling and needs some help or encouragement. Getting sober is transformational.
Recovery is wonderful. It’s like a parallel universe. I can slip into it through spiritual practice, reaching out to other addicts, going to meetings or through our literature. I’m known and loved in meetings from LA to London, Berlin to Moscow and from Bangkok to Bali, NY and HK.
My routine is whack but it works for me. Iphone’s bedtime goes off at 0430. I’d love to say I always bound out of bed at that time but ocassionally I fall into weakness, complacency and general mingebagginess. I’m suffering right now with the summer heat. I avoid London in the summer but this year stayed. I prefer some where hot but with an aircon option like Bali or LA. Once up, my morning kicks off with a glass of water, freshly squeezed lemon, a shot of Bragg’s apple cider vinegar with a dash of ginger for extra poke.
This sets my brain chemistry for peak performance. Biochemically speaking, every good thing in my life is the result of a righteous balance of serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and norepinephrine. My ability to release these chemicals, means control of my mental state in my hands rather than being subject to external influences. It’s an inside job. Here are three biochemical “hacks” that help my brain chemistry to improve performance, happiness and self-esteem.
More Warrior Than Worrier
A warrior can ‘enjoy less’ where a worrier ‘enjoys less.’ As Socrates quipped, “the secret of happiness is not in seeking more, but in the capacity to enjoy less.
Thanks to program and the Jocko Willink School of Mind Control, I can practice mental self-defense against external messages which trigger worry. Instead I practice ‘mental martial arts’ by disciplining myself through repetition of gratitude. Yes… much as I wanted to shank the first person to suggest an “attitude of gratitude”, I’ve found that gratefulness is a major cure of my perceived misfortune. It boosts serotonin and forces me to focus on the positive.
The magic of imperfect action. Or “perfect your practice; don’t try to practice perfectly’ as flow coach Scott Sonnon suggests.
No practice will ever be perfect because by the time I finish, I’ll have been able to practice better. Attempting to practice perfectly is madness, whether it’s meditation, writing or pilates. Better I focus on improving how I practice, rather than merely trying to perform my skills better. The neuroscience says that trying to practice perfectly, rather than perfecting my practice brings too much emotional baggage into the decision-making process. Perfecting my practice helps me feel more in control … increasing dopamine, Mother Nature’s tequila shot
Learning from failure not success.
One of my biggest teachers, Richard Rohr says men don’t learn anything at all from success after the age of thirty… it just feels good. I agree. I’ve discovered that being error-focused and micro-progressive… to drop into MBA speak… means that I learn and improve much quicker. If I only focus on my successes, I improve slowly or not at all. I find that with each little improvement that I make, if I celebrate that progress, I’m happier thanks to a spurt of dopamine. That’s why I always attack my most difficult tasks earliest in the morning when I have the greatest cognitive advantages and can remain dispassionately focussed. This means that I’ve found over the last six years, of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during my day, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work. And the more frequently I experience that sense of progress, the more creatively productive I feel in the long run.
And now, I’m off for a silent retreat at
Worth Abbey to contemplate a life I never dreamed possible… happy and sober.
